Have You Forgotten How to Have Fun Together?
What If the Distance Isn’t from Disconnection, But Discomfort with Joy?
It’s not always conflict that creates the drift.
Sometimes, it’s the silence after something good happens.
They reach for you. You freeze.
You laugh too loud. They go quiet.
You try to flirt, play, soften the moment… and they change the subject.
No one talks about this. But it’s real:
Some of us carry an unconscious fear of pleasure.
Not because we’re broken. But because we learned young that joy wasn’t safe.
If joy was met with dismissal—“stop being dramatic.”
If celebration made you a target—“you think you’re better than everyone.”
If playfulness was punished, or affection was weaponized…
Then your body learned: it’s safer to stay small.
To stay serious.
To stay ready.
When Joy Feels Unsafe, Connection Suffers
This doesn’t just show up in our individual nervous systems.
It shows up in our relationships. Especially the long-term ones.
Because over time, we don’t just stop touching—we stop reaching.
We stop playing.
We stop laughing like we used to.
And without even realizing it, we start treating joy like a luxury we can’t afford.
But joy isn’t a luxury. It’s a relational glue.
It’s what reminds us why we chose each other in the first place.
💭 Try This Together
Ask your partner:
“What’s something that used to make us laugh—hard?”
“What’s something that used to feel fun between us?”
“What part of that still lives in us?”
It doesn’t have to be deep.
It doesn’t have to be sexy.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Pleasure—however you define it—is a relational practice.
And it’s allowed to be part of your healing.
A Relationship Blueprint That Makes Space for Joy
Even The Relationship Blueprint can hold this.
Because relationships don’t only need conflict resolution tools.
They need joy recall.
You’re allowed to feel good. Together.
With gentleness and permission,
India Tizol (she/her)
On behalf of the MindFull Healing Collective
